又一日，一男同事屡受其扰，愤然而起道：“你再闹，我花50块钱找两个民工LJ了你！”此语立惊四座，众人还未叫好，此女又接上一千古名句：“别啊，你把那50块钱给我多好，我自己LJ自己……”

复一日，偶看贴，正看到一位仁兄所发《如果世界上只有两个女人，李宇春和芙蓉姐姐，你要选谁》，此女又悄然而来，看了题目后作不屑状道：“两个都要呗，好歹也算是女人啊。再说了，她们不好看，生下的女儿不一定不好看啊，到时候再用呗……”偶立即抓狂。

此MM于电脑前上网，遍览服装网页，不时发出赞叹：这件衣服好漂亮，可惜太贵了，咦，这件也不错。哇这件好好看啊！……可惜我穿不了。一同事在旁忍不住搭腔：为什么穿不了？此MM叹道：我胸太大了，所以穿不了。众人眼镜碎了一地。

时光流转，岁月如梭。MM名声渐起，整层楼里都略有听闻。一日，别的办公室里有一猥琐男，见MM穿低胸装上班，遂上前调戏道：“咦，几天不见，你好像瘦了。”MM大喜，笑靥如花地应道：“真的呀？哪里瘦了？”猥琐男双眉挑动，目光射向MM胸间，MM迷茫半晌，跟随猥男目光数巡，终恍然大悟，自己用手指把衣领拨开，向内扫了几眼，抬头一本正经地说道：“没有啊！你骗人！”猥男吐血而出。

中午，我们在单位食堂吃饭，主菜中有油炸鱼，此女双手齐施，吃得不亦乐乎。随后她发现双手沾满油腻，就伸到对面正在吃饭一MM面前说：“姐姐你看我的手~~”可怜这位正在吃饭的女生差点没喷出来。随后此女似觉意犹未尽，又把手指伸到邻桌一30多岁男同事面前说：“来，舔舔~~”四座皆寒。 

上班时，众人私聊。说到古时以何种标准为美，此女突发言道：“前一阵我看电视，里面有个古时候王妃的尸体，被科学家还原之后可漂亮了。像山顶洞人。”众人喷血道：“那不是跟猴子一样吗？”MM眨眨眼，说道：“是啊，猴子不好看吗？我最喜欢了。还有猪，猪也好看。”一男子不禁问道：“难道你找男朋友也是这个标准啊？又像猪又像猴的……难道是传说中的猪猴？猪猴是怎么来的啊？”此MM沉思一番后，冷静地说道：“可能是猪强 J了猴子……”…………真不知道她男朋友听她这么形容自己，会作 

When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep,   and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
       "I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
       "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
       "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."


吸血蝙蝠满身鲜血的回来，众蝙蝠甚是羡慕，问他从哪找来这么多鲜血，它把众蝙蝠带到一大树旁。
问：看到大树没？
众答：看到了。
它：他nnd，我就没看到

"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

生日派对上蛋糕只剩下一块，上面恰好写着生日两个字。男孩大方地拿起刀一分为二，温柔地对女孩说：“我负责‘日’，你负责‘生’，好吗？

Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?
     Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?
" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
     "Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mike." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mike. A beautiful baby daughter."
     "Thanks be to..."
     Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mike, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
     holds up the baby for Mike's inspection.
     "Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"


Where is the father?
        Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
        "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
        "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
        The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."


Does the dog know the proverb,   too?
        The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
        "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
        "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"


Only cash and credit cards
        When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for
     a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and   number of people.
        " Do you take children?" the man asked.
        "No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."


A Smart Housewife.
     A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"