When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
     "Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
     "So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"


THE SCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had been distributed to the students with an error---the word "Sex" had been spelled with an "o". One mother, filling out the form for her son, wrote in the blank next to "Sox": "Usually brown."

One Engine Left
     A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r
esult."
     Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
     At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"


The doctor lives downstairs
     "Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
     He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."


Which woman?
     One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
     On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the
most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
     My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"


Advice for "Kid"
     A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."


The mean man's party.
     The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
     "Why use my elbow and foot?"
     "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"


Bring me the winner
      -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
     -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
     -- Well, bring me the winner then.


He is really somebody
     -- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
     -- He is really somebody. What does he do?
     -- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
     Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
     Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

兰州你不要紧吧????需要我目送你去医院吗???...

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
     At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."


Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.