半角括号内是删掉,全部大写是改动处
Facing the BLACK GATE 【blank是笔误吧】 and confronting the MOUTH OF SAURON (of Dark Lord Sauron)【这是专有名词】, Lord Aragorn 【不确定这种称呼是否妥当】 relentlessly led all (the) western soldiers to fight hundreds of thousands of 【说实话这种表达法有凑字之嫌,innumerable神马应该可以】 Orcs from Mordor, clutching at the faith in the fellowship 【稍微说明一下吧,正经的Fellowship早解散了】. Spontaneously on the serpentine road up to Mount Doom, Frodo and Sam were burning the last fuel of courage to climb the lava-scattered slope to destroy THE ONE RING 【O和R大写】, not knowing that a battle between craving and responsibility was to come. Here in The Lord Of the Rings 【T和O不大写】, besides fantastic magic 【没看到多少】, formidable creatures and mind-boggling wars, I see through all (those) characters the essence of humanity: the great fortitude to withstand fear, the mutual trust that energized mankind and the unfailingly persistent hymn to PRESERVE the Earth 【最后这句拽得不够自然,建议修正】. Every time WHEN I feel lost or puzzled by setbacks, I always turned to the trilogy to seek consolation and replenishment 【这种过于绝对的溢美之辞也应该避免】. I have been relishing the sense of fulfillment from the fellowship of the ring, internalizing the valor lingering amongst the heroes, and admiring the romantic love of Nature through the mighty force of Fangorn forest that destroyed the evil Isengard 【罗曼蒂克?】.
Another tribute I write to The Lord Of The Rings【同前】 is THE ADVANCEMENT OF (that it has advanced) the progress of linguistics. Professor Tolkien based ON THIS "LEGENDARIUM" 【托老自造词】(this grand myth) not only on medieval English【?!】, but also several fictional languages he invented himself: Elves’ melancholy ELEGIES (moans) 【melancholy意境很好,全被moan毁了】 are sung in Quenya and Sindarin; the evil 【我觉得老用这词有点贴脸谱】 Orcs ROAR (are basically roaring) in the Black Speech, and the tavern-vagabonds【这词我没见过】 are whistling nostalgic verses in Hobbitish【???】. Partly through LORT【是LOTR】 I have learned that in Literature, men’s imaginations and creativity can be (infinitely)【太虚】 amplified with ASSIDUITY (assiduousness) and visionariness【不太懂,是说类似struggle for ideal的意思吗】. 【最后这句有些弱,不足以收束全段,建议修正】