Achieve success 会好点，We can't be successful，everyone all knows that ,然后叙述故事一般都用过去时态吧，也就是故事这一段要改下时态，然后bring sth home 应该不用加介词to 的，next day 不是nest ，Wait for 搭配，any rabbits ，Tells 注意谓语单数，the best way to success ，文章中太倾向于汉语思维

no pains no后面是什么？gains吗？
results只是一个结果，这个结果有好有坏。第一说的不明不白，后面又提到了success，那开头就应该用与success相关的。
everyone all know改成everyone knows
success不要用所属格，that is the best way to success.
但是no pains no gains是不劳无获，和是否成功没有关系。有些事，你不用努力也能成功，而有些事你努力了也未必成功。
建议：重写

谢谢楼上两位老师指导，等放学回来让孩子从新修改。

no pain no gain
do you want to achieve results？without efforts，we can't succeed。We must work hard，otherwise，we can't succeed。
I read a story，it's about a farmer，I believe that everyone knows about it。
One day，a farmer is farming，suddenly，a rabbit bumps into a stump and dies。
The farmer brings the rabbit to his home very happily。Next day，he doesn't work on the farm，he just sits on the stump to wait for the rabbit every day，but there isn't any rabbit who bumps into the stump。At last，the farmer is poorer。
This story tells us that if you don't work hard，you can't succeed。You must work hard，that is the best way to succeed。
Therefore，we should know：no pain no gain。

文中出现success一词太多了，可以换成make things done,win,accomplish等词避免重复。

有很大问题，逻辑不清楚，句子拖沓语法不对
Do you want to achieve success？of course,but the old saying “goes No pains No gains “that we can’t harvest if we shouldn’t work hard
it is a story about a farmer and rabbits that I believe it was well known generally

英吧水平参差不齐，其实这篇文章想写的通顺有很多细节需要注意
首先，one day，he was farming while a rabbit bumped into stump then died suddenly
while表示同时，只农民正在劳作的时，一只兔子...起对比作用，行文流畅
第二点
当两个动作由一个主语，你可以理解为一个人发出时，后面应用doing
比如这句 next day he didn’t cultivate and sitting on stump to waiting for rabbits
后面everyday删掉，前面next day已经限定了时间，后面怎么能再加
but there was no one bump into the stump evermore这句也要改
你如果想说农民变更穷了
应改为 he became more poorer
综上，问题很多，我没全点出来，孩子中文思维很严重学英语必须早点培养英语思维，建议先重写

谢谢 谢谢这么多热心的老师 孩子回来再好好改改。

这个挺好的，一看就不是家长写的