原标题: Ways to Anoy Claude Faustus
*注: Annoy 的意思是"烦扰, 讨人嫌, 惹恼", 不过为了吸引读者眼球所以就这么翻译了, 反正内容本来就是这个意思*
原创作者: OppaFaustusStyle
链接:https://www.deviantart.com/oppafaustusstyle/art/Annoying-Claude-Faustus-Drabble-Set-One-710226969
发布时间: 17/10/2017
中文翻译: 黄姜猫
简介:Although I do like Claude quite a bit, I just couldn't resist making this.You may have to watch Black Butler 2 in order to understand some of these. 我确实相当喜欢克劳德, 但是我忍不住写了这个。你可能需要看《黑执事》第二季才会了解以下的某些点。

这篇短篇是以读者们的角度发展。我的英语不算优秀, 但我相信我翻译的准确度 (日常工作一部分是翻译) 短篇原作者才写到第10个方式, 真正单里有100种 作者也欢迎读者们增加恶整方式, 这是她的原话: "只要你不怕死的话"

Being a live-in guest at the Trancy Mansion was proving to be rather.... mundane, to say the least.
作为托兰西庄园的一位住客, 已经证明相当....平凡, 至少可以这么说。
Aside from the occasional outburst from Alois, the Manor was normally very quiet and boring.
除了阿洛伊斯偶尔的脾气爆发之外, 这庄园通常是非常安静和无聊的。
However, that was about to change.
You had devised a plan, or rather a set of plans, that would surely keep you entertained for a while. Your mission was to annoy the Trancy Butler, Claude Faustus.
虽然如此, 这种情况即将发生变化。
你已经制定了一项计划, 或者说一套肯定会娱乐你一段时间的计划。 你的任务是惹恼那位托兰西家的执事, 克劳德•费斯特斯。
And come Hell or high water, youwouldsucceed.
赴汤蹈火也在所不辞, 你, 会成功。

Phase One : Steal His Glasses
第一阶段: 偷掉他的眼镜
"Hey Claude." You greeted as you walked past the butler clad in black.
"嘿, 克劳德。" 当你经过那位一身黑的执事时打了声招呼。
"Good Afternoon, Miss [Name]." He responded. As he turned to face you, he paused. "Forgive me for asking, but is there any reason why you are wearing my spectacles?" The spider butler inquired.
"午安, (汝名) 小姐。"他回应道。正当他转身面向你的时候, 他停顿了一下。"抱歉我问一下, 你是有什么理由戴着我的眼镜吗?" 那位蜘蛛执事询问道。
"...Perhaps." You replied, pushing the stolen glasses up the bridge of your nose.
"...或许吧。"你回道, 将那副偷来的眼镜推上你的鼻梁。
Without another word, he simply pulled out a spare pair of glasses from his pocket, slid them on his face, and continued with his daily tasks.
一句话也没说, 他只是从他的口袋拉出一副备用眼镜滑到脸上, 接着继续他的日常工作。
"Dammit!" You silently cursed yourself for forgetting about his extra pair of glasses. "You may have won this battle, Claude. But the war has just begun~"
"该死的!" 你默默地诅咒自己忘了关于他的备用眼镜。"你可能赢了这场战斗, 克劳德。可大战才刚刚开始呢~"

Phase Two : Stare At Him
第二阶段: 死死盯着他
As the Trancy Butler prepared tea for his Master, he watched as you silently entered the kitchen and stood beside him. Normally, an act such as this would not concern him in the least.
正当那位托兰西执事为他的Master 准备茶水的时候, 他看见你静静地步入厨房然后站在他的身旁。通常, 这样的行为至少是不会引起他的注意滴。
But he couldn't ignore the fact that you were staring up at him, your eyes wide.
不过, 他无法忽视你睁大双眼, 直直盯着他看的事实。
Glancing down at you, the spider demon eyed you curiously. "May I help you with something, Miss [Name]?"
往下看向你, 那位蜘蛛恶魔好奇地打量你。"我能为你做什么吗, (汝名)小姐?"
When you didn't respond, Claude simply moved around you to serve Alois the freshly brewed tea.
当你没有回应时, 克劳德只是在你周围走动, 为阿洛伊斯提供新鲜泡好的茶。
To Claude's utter dismay, you had followed him around the manor all day, staring at him non-stop.
令克劳德彻底沮丧的是, 你已经跟着他到庄园的四处走了一整天, 不停地盯着他看。
Although Claude would never openly express his emotions, he was beginning to feel a bit irritated with you and your current behavior.
虽然克劳德永远都不会公开表达他的情绪, 但他开始对你和你目前的行为感到有点恼火。
Coming to a halt mid-step, he turned around to find you there, still staring up at him. Deciding it was best to just ignore you, he turned back around and walked into his sleeping chamber, slamming the door shut and locking it behind him so you were unable to follow him inside.
中途停下来，他转身看到你，依然盯着他看。决定最好无视你，他转过身走进他的卧室，猛然地把门关上，然后将其锁在他的后面, 让你无法跟着他进去。
"...I'll count that as a win for me." You grinned.
"....我会算这一次是我的胜利。"你露齿笑道。

Phase Four : Decorate Trancy Manor With Pictures of Sebastian
第四阶段: 用384的照片"装饰"整栋托兰西庄园
It was mid-afternoon by the time Claude arrived back at the manor. He had stepped out earlier that day to run errands for Alois, picking up some necessities along the way. Gathering his purchases, Claude opened the front door and stepped inside.
克劳德回到庄园的时候已经是中午了。那天早些时候他已经出去为阿洛伊斯跑腿，沿途收拾一些必需品。将他的购买物收好后，克劳德打开前门走进去。
The sight that met the butler's golden gaze was far from welcoming, however.
然而, 步入这位执事金色目光凝视的景象 , 远非受他欢迎。
To Claude's horror, the entire manor's interior was decorated with pictures of Sebastian Michaelis. The walls, steps, banisters, and furniture were littered with hundreds of photos.
出于克劳德的惊悚, 整栋庄园的内部被塞巴斯蒂安•米卡利斯的照片装饰。那些墙壁, 台阶, 栏轩, 还有家具全都堆满了百余张照片。
Somehow, there were even pictures attached to the ceiling.
不知何故, 连天花板上都有照片。
Claude's eyebrow twitched. It was no mystery as to who the culprit was behind this.
克劳德的眉毛抽搐着。这背后的罪魁祸首是谁一点都不神秘。
Setting his purchased goods on the kitchen counter, Claude immediately went to go find you, ripping down photos along the way.
将买好的物品放好在厨房的柜台上，克劳德立刻去找你，沿途撕下那些照片。
*这个我忍不住笑了, 敌人的照片贴满整个屋子是会让人抓狂的23333*

度娘别吞!
---------------------------------
Phase Five : A 'Favor'
第五阶段: 一点 "恩惠"
It didn't take long for Claude to find you in one of the many studies within the Trancy estate.
没过多久克劳德就在托兰西庄园众多书房中的其中一间找到你。
The spider butler slowly approached you as you sat in an oversized armchair, nonchalanty reading a book.
那位蜘蛛执事缓慢地靠近你, 正当你坐在一张超大型的扶手椅上漫不经心地看着一本书。
Stopping in front of you, he glared down at your reading-form.
在你的面前停下, 他瞪着你阅读的姿态。
"Miss [Name]" Hearing his sharp tone, you looked up at the demon.
"(汝名) 小姐。" 听到他尖锐的语调, 你抬首望向那只恶魔。
"Good Afternoon, Mr. Faustus" You replied with an innocent smile, making sure to mock his formal way of speaking. His eyes narrowed at this.
"午安, 费斯特斯先生。" 你以一抹无辜的笑容回答道, 以确保嘲讽他正式说话的方式。他为这点瞇起眼来。
"Would you mind explaning the reason behind your actions while I was gone?" The butler asked, his golden eyes burning into yours.
"你介意解释一下当我不在的时候, 你那些行为背后的理由吗?" 那位执事问道, 他金色的眸子朝向你的双眼燃起火来。
"What actions are you referring to?" You asked, continuing your innocent façade.
"你指的是什么行为？”你问道，继续保持你无辜的外表。
To answer your question, Claude handed you one of the photos he had removed from the wall.
为了回答你的问题，克劳德递给你一张他从墙上移走的照片。

"Ohhh.That." You stated after a moment of seeing the picture, as if recalling the incident. "I felt like re-decorating." You finished simply before returning to the book on your lap.
"噢 - 那个呀。"你看了一眼这片照片后说道，好像才回想起这件事。“我觉得要重新装修。”你在倒回去阅读你大腿上的书前说完。
"May I ask how you attained these photographs?" Claude pressed on, far from pleased with you.
“我可以问你是如何获得这些照片的吗？”克劳德继续说道，对你很不满意。
Closing your book and setting it aside, you stood and faced the demon butler.
关上你的书本并把其放在一边，你站着面向那位恶魔执事。
"If you must know, I did I little...favor... for him. If you know what I mean~" You answered suggestively, putting emphasis on 'favor'.
"如果你一定要知道的话, 我给了/帮了他....一点小恩惠/ 小忙。如果你知道我的意思~" 你暗示性地回答道, 强调那句 "恩惠"。
With a smile and a wink, you quickly left Claude's side and went to go find Alois.
带着微笑眨眨眼，你很快地离开了克劳德的身边，然后去找阿洛伊斯。

暂时更到一半, 回国之后再继续恶整行动
原作者有说过在进行这些整人计划前, 建议先和别人打交道尤其是克劳德的宿主阿洛伊斯 (可对恶魔以下达整他的命令), 他的敌人384, 夏尔, 死神们, 因为这些人物会在关键的时刻起到关键的作用, 合作一起整人, 防止你的运气被用完后被宰掉

翻了第6第7个, 索性发上来吧
-----------'----------------------------------
Phase Six : Squash a Spider
第六阶段: 打扁一只蜘蛛
Due to your recent behavior, the spider butler decided to assign you a list of chores in the hopes of keeping you busy, thus limiting your free time to cause mischief.
由于你最近的行为, 那位蜘蛛执事已经决定分配给你一份家务清单, 希望能够让你忙碌, 这样便可限制你出来捣蛋的空闲时间。
This did not sit well with you.
You didn't mind helping out if needed, but you felt like Claude was underestimating you.
不过这样并不适合你。
你并不介意在需要的时候帮下忙, 可是你觉得克劳德在低估你。
If he thought he could distract your attempts at annoying him with chores, he was sadly mistaken.
如果他认为他能够分散你干扰他做家务的企图, 那他可是错得离谱了。
You swore to expose Claude to a truly horrible sight.
你发誓会让克劳德暴露于真正恐怖的画面。
While you were 'helping' with cleaning duties, you noticed a spider sitting innocently in the corner of the room.
This was your chance.
当你在 "帮忙" 做清洁工作的时候, 你发现有只蜘蛛无辜地待在这房间里的角落。
Taking your shoe off, you slowly approached the insect, making sure your actions were obvious to the demon occupying the room with you.
脱下你的鞋子, 你慢慢地靠近那只昆虫 (作者似乎搞错了, 蜘蛛不是昆虫), 确保你的行为对于那只和你在同一个房间的恶魔是显而易见的。
As you were poised to strike the spider dead, a firm grip was instantly around your wrist.
正当你作势准备打死那只蜘蛛时, 一股紧握感快速地包住你的手腕。
Turning slightly, you looked to see a gloved hand holding you back from killing the innocent creature.
稍微转过身, 你看见一只戴着手套的手阻止你杀死那只无辜的生物。
"What do you think you're doing, Miss [Name]?" The demon butler inquired, his voice sharp.
"你认为你在做什么, (汝名)小姐?" 那位恶魔执事询问道, 他的声音听起来很急促。
Before you could answer, a certain tempermental Earl's voice rang through the hallways of the Manor, signaling your chance at escape.
在你能够回答之前, 一把喜怒无常的伯爵之声于庄园内的走廊响起, 发出你逃跑机会的信号。
Thank goodness Alois was fond of you.
真是要感谢阿洛伊斯对你的溺爱。
*Whenever you see a spider, think Claude.*
话说每次看到蜘蛛我就是一桶水泼过去

这个梗可能需要读者去听一下瑞奇•马丁的《生命之杯》才会笑得非常彻底因为这首歌有很多 Ole~
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Phase Seven : Ole!~
第七阶段: 哦咧! ~
"Alois!" You called happily, running towards the blonde haired Earl.
"阿洛伊斯!" 你愉快地唤道, 跑向那位金发伯爵。
"What?" He asked boredly, scribbling doodles on a piece of paperwork.
"什么啊?" 他无聊地问道, 在一张证件上写写画画。
"I found this amazing song that I think you'll really like."
"我找到这首我认为你会非常喜欢的好歌曲。"
*注: 瑞奇•马丁1998年风靡全球的世界杯主题曲《生命之杯》*
Alois perked up upon hearing this, his curiosity piqued.
阿洛伊斯听到这句话的时候, 他的好奇心被激起来了。
As Claude made his way towards his Master's study, he froze in front of the door and sighed.
就在克劳德步向他 Master 的书房时,他在门前愣了一下，然后叹了口气。
To the butler's dismay, his Highness was being corrupted further by a certain trouble-making guest.
令这位执事感到沮丧的是，他的殿下被一位总是在搞事的客人更进一步的腐蚀了。
Walking into the room, the scene was enough to make the normally stoic man flinch.
步入那个房间, 里面的场景足以让这位平时坚忍的男人退缩。
"DO YOU REALLY WANT IT?!"
"你真的想要吗?!"
"Ale, Ale, Ale!~"
"啊咧, 啊咧, 啊咧! ~ " (一种麦芽啤酒)
In front of Claude was a sight he wished would end. Immediately.
在克劳德的面前是他希望结束的画面。立刻马上。
Alois was on top of his desk, throwing papers into the air. You were dancing around the desk as papers rained down on you.
阿洛伊斯站在他的书桌上，把纸张扔到空中。纸张落在你身上的时候, 你围着书桌跳舞。
Music was blasting throughout the room, ringing off the walls, as the two humans were singing along.
当那两个人类在一起唱歌的时候, 音乐正在整个房间爆响着, 墙壁上响荡着。
"And when you feel the heat, the world is atMYfeet!" Alois sang, jumping from his desk and skipping over to Claude.
"而当你感受到那股狂热, 这个世界就在我的脚下!" 阿洛伊斯唱着, 从他的书桌上跳下接着朝克劳德轻快地跳动着。
"Tonight's the night! We're gonna celebrate!" You added, joining the blonde Earl as he skipped and danced around the unimpressed demon.
"就是在今夜! 我们要庆祝一番！"你补充唱道，加入那位金发碧眼的伯爵，正当他轻快地跳动并在那只无动于衷的恶魔身边舞动着。
"Un, dos, tres! Ole, Ole, Ole!~ Un, deux, trois! Ale, Ale, Ale!~" You both sang along, clapping your hands to the beat of the music.
"一, 二, 三! 哦咧, 哦咧, 哦咧!~一, 二, 三! 啊咧, 啊咧, 啊咧!~(法语) "你们俩一起合唱, 随着音乐的节拍拍手。

"Tonight's the night! We're gonna celebrate!" You added, joining the blonde Earl as he skipped and danced around the unimpressed demon.
"就是在今夜! 我们要庆祝一番！"你补充唱道，加入那位金发碧眼的伯爵，正当他轻快地跳动并在那只无动于衷的恶魔身边舞动着。
"Un, dos, tres! Ole, Ole, Ole!~ Un, deux, trois! Ale, Ale, Ale!~" You both sang along, clapping your hands to the beat of the music.
"一, 二, 三! 哦咧, 哦咧, 哦咧!~一, 二, 三! 啊咧, 啊咧, 啊咧!~(法语) "你们俩一起合唱, 随着音乐的节拍拍手。
As Alois ran out of the room, still singing, you followed right along... but not before looking back at the spider butler, a wide grin spread across your face.
当阿洛伊斯跑出房间, 依然在唱歌的时候, 你随他而去, 但在此之前你转头回望向那位蜘蛛执事, 一 抹大大的笑容露在你的脸上。
*这些动图好应景*

今晚跑去看举世闻名的爱丁堡国际烟花音乐表演, 今年的烟火规划师是 Claude Randall, 刚好也叫克劳德
伴随着古典管弦乐, 欣赏那些绚丽的金色烟花好像金色的大蜘蛛挂在天上 (尤其是第二张图), 真的忍不住脑补我在欣赏老克的烟火表演哈哈哈哈哈不行了真的是一边看一边傻笑

今晚就要离开英国了, 这里发上第八阶段回国再继续翻译
----------------------------------------------
Phase Eight : One Hell of a Handsome Butler
第八阶段: 地狱般俊美的执事
Another typical day at the Trancy Manor. Hannah was tending to the laundry, the triplets were in the garden, and Claude was preparing lunch for his Master. As he was placing a baking pan into the wood oven, the demon butler heard an unfamiliar voice.
托兰西庄园另一个典型的日子。汉娜正在洗衣服，三胞胎在花园里，克劳德正为他的Master 准备午餐。当他将烤盘放入木制烤箱时，这位恶魔执事听到了一个不是很熟悉的声音。
Suspicious, Claude made his way towards the voice. As he rounded the corner, another voice chimed in. A voice the butler knew too well.
很可疑，克劳德走向了那道声音的方向。当他走到拐角处时，另一个声音响了起来。那是这位执事非常熟知的声音。
"I have to agree with you, Grell. Sebastian isextremelyhandsome."
"我必须同意你说的, 格雷 。384 确实是非常非常俊美。"
Peering into the room, the Trancy butler saw you sitting next to a grim reaper clad in red.
细看那个房间内, 这位托兰西执事看见你坐在一位穿了一身红的死神隔壁。
Allowing a reaper into the manor was bad enough, but your conversation made the situation worse.
容许一位死神进入这个庄园已经够糟糕了, 不过你们的对话把情况弄得更糟。
"His alluring smile, his toned physique, his devilishly handsome features. Ohh, Bassy!~" The red reaper exclaimed, fangirling over the crow demon.
"他诱人的笑容，他健美的体格, 他那令人畏惧的俊美特质。喔哦, Bassy!~" 那只红衣死神惊呼道，对那只乌鸦恶魔发花痴。