I think I need time to face myself as well,I have thought a lot these days.I always said I loved you,but what did I do to love you?Did I care you as much as I could?I remember once you called me from your school when you were taking break,and your voice was very sick.Yesterday I thought,if I noticed my instructors always drank lots of water in classes,I should know earlier you must be like that.If I noticed my instructors' voice getting weak after classes,I should know earlier you must be like that.Futher more,they are night school teachers,they only talk 3 hours a day,you were harder than them.But I did not.
Before whenever I felt despaired from you,I went to my friends to look for comfort,even though we did nothing.But if I convinced that I loved you,I should stay alone for you no matter how pain it was.This time I did not tell anybody,I did not talk to anybody,I just stayed at home and read,watched TV,listened to music,I did not feel too much suffering,especially after your last E-mail.Maybe my heart died,maybe I grew up,I don't know,I need to find out what happened.
I always thought I learned how to love a person already,but actually not at all,maybe you were right,I was not mature enough to deserve your love.I am very confused now,and really don't know what to do.I hope you will look after yourself,stay good for me please.
翻译:我想我也需要有时间去面对我自己了,这些天我想了很多。
我常常说我爱你,可是我又做了什么去爱你呢?
我真的足够关心你了吗?
我记得有一次你在课间休息时从学校打电话给我,
你的声音听起来很嘶哑。昨天我在想,
如果我能留意到我自己的老师在上课时都拼命喝水,
我早就应该知道你也是一样的;
如果我能留意到他们下了课嗓子都很虚弱,
我早就应该知道你也是一样的。
而且他们是兼职的老师,他们每天只讲三个小时课,
你的情况比他们恶劣得多。。。可是我并没有想到。
以前每当我从你这里感到绝望了,我会去朋友那里找安慰,
虽然我们什么也没做,但如果我确信自己爱你,
我就应该为你一个人好好呆着,无论多么痛苦。
这一次我哪里也没去,每天只听音乐看书,
也没有感觉太多的痛苦,也许是心死了,也许是成熟了。
我总是以为我学会怎样去爱一个人了,其实根本没有。
大概你是对的,我还没有成熟到配得上你给我爱情。
我不知道现在该怎么办,想好了我会回来的,
请你一定好好照顾自己,为了我好好的。