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求个大牛帮我看看作文,,这种水平能有几分?

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题目:
Many people believe that counties shouldproduce food for all population eats andimport food as little as possible. Towhat extent do you agree or disagree?
本人写的。。。有不少语法拼写错误。。我懂的。。但是确实是现在的水平,,跪求大牛们看看这种水平大概能有几分?
At present age, with the dramatic increasein people’s living level, the need for foods is becoming a incredable problem. Someindividuals insist that nations should produce all food for every people andimport less food. As for me, I think it is too narrow an approach to solve theproblem.
Convincing arguments can be made to provethat nations should produce all the food for public. First and formost, peopleaim more about quality of food nowadays whereas they consider that quantity isthe most important in the past with the rapidly rise of living standard. As weall know, food made in our own nation are more safe and freash, therefore, weshould depend our own country’s food rather than those are imported. Then, itis quiet easy to made food as the technology nowadays is fashion. In otherwords, we can produce food efficiently with the help of mordern machines. Meanwhile,making food in our own country is saving not only in terms of the modern stylesbut also in terms of the transport payment.
In contrast, some opponents hold the viewthat we should also import food because of many reasons. To begin with,different nations have different advantages as every country has their own wayto produce food. For instance, some countries may aim at meat whereas othersare good at growing vegetables. So, it will be efficient if we can importdifferent food from different nations. Secondly, exchanging food is also anexcellent way to develop country’s economy. What is more, it produces many jobsfor the public.
Overall, it’s quite reasonable that peoplefrom different backgrounds have different ideas on the same issue. However, Ithink that the former should give place to the latter. Although it will be moresafe if we depend on our own nation’s food only, importing food from othernations seems has more positive effects.


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(1)哪有not only in term of but also in terms of 直接in terms of both ...and.... in terms of 不是关于的意思。 是就什么什么而言。 是范围限定词。 (2)你句子衔接词不行,多用暗承接。
(3)作文模版痕迹太严重,要有自己的模版。


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