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12月7日雅思大作文,请高人进来评价一下

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  • Strong白哥
  • 下士
    3
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It is quite commonthat a certain number of countries whatever developing or developed countriesnever stop seeking an effective strategy to protect their domestic cultural identities and historical heritages. There are conflicting views on whether giving travelers proper instructions so that they could be responsible for this.
On the one hand, one effect of these restrictions is that the majority ofthose visitors would be much more cautious than before and therefore the quality of this historical legacies and local culture is possible to beconserved for a long time without being damaged through the detrimental gesturesof common visitors. Also, the availability of being a responsible traveler can be easily and quickly if you fully understand the importance of protecting local visible identities. In other words, tourists can free from the concerns and anxieties about the lost of visibilities of legacies and ancient identities.This is especially true for those people who are literate in the knowledge of history.If they perceive the impacts on those values, they are prone to lose their enthusiasm of visiting other locations.
On the other hand,the action to give these sub-qualified people some restrictions may cause aworrying trend that the increasingly decline in the proportion of modern persons being desirable to traveling outside. For the main reason, comfortable lifestyles and living or traveling without supervision have been already beinga certain experience in human’s lives especially at the time of receiving service and opting for commodities, when they could be treated like Christ.So, if the endurance of those rules established to supervise travelers reach toa peak, they will have their rights to choose another methods to enjoy leisure including doing sports activities, dating with a lady friend or staying with families,which contributes to severe impacts on the lack of local economics and other appurtenant industries faced by local government and residents once this category of situationstruly happen.
To sum up, although having restrictions is possible to solve visible and temporary problems, there will be other more unpredicted situations to be faced. So,giving proper management and viable suggestions is the best choice.
纯属自主创作,如果有一些错误,请帮忙指出,谢谢!


  • lifeVIPforever
  • 上士
    5
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语法是主要是问题


2025-08-24 04:32:59
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  • lifeVIPforever
  • 上士
    5
该楼层疑似违规已被系统折叠 隐藏此楼查看此楼
lz多少岁?


  • MooreYuan
  • 中将
    15
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句型基本可以(仍有几处不当),
遣词及搭配的不妥甚至错误太多了,
逻辑上也不顺畅,
结果是----很难读懂。


  • lifeVIPforever
  • 上士
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最好是有些地方前加点量词还有therefore最好单独写一句


  • lifeVIPforever
  • 上士
    5
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文章最后一段有去掉although是否比较好点在there之前加but会好点


  • MooreYuan
  • 中将
    15
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说几个代词指称吧。
第1段末指啥?按规矩这类单独this只能指上句刚说过的话。
restriction貌似层次问的主体概念。第2段 these restrictions指称不明。
末段再次提到restriction。
第2段第1句 those visitors 语感不好,不如the visitors。类似的还有those values.
后面还有those/they等等。总体上,代词很乱。


  • 我的歌女神
  • 上校
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看不太明白


2025-08-24 04:26:59
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  • MooreYuan
  • 中将
    15
该楼层疑似违规已被系统折叠 隐藏此楼查看此楼
我改两句看看语感。
It is quite common that a certain number of countries, developing or developed, never stop seeking an effective strategy to protect their domestic cultural identities and historical heritages. A controversal issue about such protection is how to show proper instructions at the scenic spots to call the visitors' attention and responsibility.
such protection连接上句,冠词A...issue标识引进新事情(作为要讨论的话题)。冠词the spots/the visitors指上句内容已暗示的具体事物。利用并列attention and responsibility中前词过渡一下消除生硬感。(第1句算没改)
Guided by these instructions, the majority of the visitors would be much more cautious than before, and therefore the protected heritages can be well conserved for longer time, effectively avoiding damages from the careless behaviors of common visitors.
连接上句(段):Guided by these instructions打头,加上the visitors/ the protected heritages,非常强大;有限句 be conserved + avoiding分词短语(结果)是常用结构;对照 more causious/careless。限定词these指代上句,即使跨段,也算地道。


  • Strong白哥
  • 下士
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thanks!


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