1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一辆然后求上帝宽恕。

2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊！

3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
你永远不能战胜一个纯ѕB，因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平，然后用丰富的经验打败你。

4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
直译：在这个世界上，我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你，但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。
意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。

6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
别问5在哪~ 不要在意这些细节

7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the po1ice.
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警丅察来的快.

13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。

17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。
数字神马的不要在意 俺数死早 认真你就熟了

顶

18、If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活，那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~
尼玛 单机？ ***************

20、Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。

21、How is it one carelesѕ match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！

22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？

23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个篮子。