For a long time, I've kept myself away from the major work. All problems may be due to my further doubt about our country's education concept and system. There's puzzle whether I'm burying my curiosity and creativity through the forced "necessary study". While you're trying to put forward an idea to make our school and classes operate better, I'm looking forward to create some troubles against them. This can be described as "a hobby of making things wrong". We all have suffered various kinds of hardship and strike for many years and we're on the same boat. So I know your feelings well. Tired of the same task which treats us badly again and again, year and year, we really needs great breaks and changes to tell ourselves that, most importantly, our life is still valuable. Many people at the same age like us may have destroyed their future with knives or gravity under the pressure and the control of anger or sadness. Mental health is now a public concern, which warns us not to squeeze ourselves out only for "study",Instead, to see the brighter part of this world, such as joy and the real things that interest us. Indeed, love is what many of us are longing for, so am I. I remember there's a saying that "Don't fall in love with anyone when you're just lonely". I am now really lonely, both friendship and love is not smooth to me. What does an empty heart mean? The one with it have no targets, no directions, no determination or interests. It's sure that love can function as a mental support so as the light of future which means hope. I've missed several lovers who I could have kept, because my heart is still too weak to face the proper challenges reminded by fear. I fear getting to close to someone's life but meanwhile I'm dreaming of lovers' sweet life. My thoughts and actions did contradict each other. That's my biggest failure. Recently, a friend told me that love needs waiting and bears no lies. Though I want to be active to her, I can't find many words that we have in common. Well, she may already has her BF, and that's what I don't want to attack. Every successful love needs respect and protection. It's against the morality to break them up. Our teachers say that love is based on responsibility and we're still not independent enough to shoulder it. This results from the different comprehensions between us and teachers. Perhaps what we want is just a new experience or something that fills the cracks on our hearts. I know it's not strict to say so, but it's really hard to control and decrease the greed for both physical and mental requirements of excitement and love. You know what that means. I can no longer focus on "study" only. Many concerns have occured to us. I'm leaving the common route.Or all these are just a phenomenon indicating that I'm fallen? I'm puzzle and I have no exact anwsers. I find it hard to stand the negative imformation conveyed by the people surrounding me. Though I try to break away from them, however, they're now still following me closely. Once I'm totally free or stay somewhere away from disturbance, I feel the true calm. Perhaps what I need is just a quiet place, or worse, a love. I don't care about the results and I should take a risk. A youth without bravery is a pale paper. Though still exploring, I'll never give up trying to create a new life different from others. Never does the common "study" count, nor the fear.
