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组织行为学里面有一个这样的理论：escalation of commitment : An increased commitment to a previous decision in spite of negative information
简单的说，就是投入的升级，承诺的升级。
开始认为对的，就会不断投入感情、物质等等的资源，来以此肯定和坚持自己开始的认为，所以，时间越长，投入越多，就会越坚持。
一对情侣分手，之所以会觉得痛苦，原因就是在于他/她不愿意否定自己一开始的选择。人都是这样，不会愿意承认自己是错误。为什么那些一天到黑因一些事情就吵闹的情侣，又或者他/她身边有更好的选择，他/她也不愿意重新去选，他/她其实只只是向人表示：他/她一开始的选择是对，分手就表示自己错，所以都不会那么容易分手。就系因为这样~~~
于是乎~一旦分手，人要承认自己投入的失败，承认自己当初选择的错误，所以就会痛苦~~~
简单的说，就是投入的升级，承诺的升级。
开始认为对的，就会不断投入感情、物质等等的资源，来以此肯定和坚持自己开始的认为，所以，时间越长，投入越多，就会越坚持。
一对情侣分手，之所以会觉得痛苦，原因就是在于他/她不愿意否定自己一开始的选择。人都是这样，不会愿意承认自己是错误。为什么那些一天到黑因一些事情就吵闹的情侣，又或者他/她身边有更好的选择，他/她也不愿意重新去选，他/她其实只只是向人表示：他/她一开始的选择是对，分手就表示自己错，所以都不会那么容易分手。就系因为这样~~~
于是乎~一旦分手，人要承认自己投入的失败，承认自己当初选择的错误，所以就会痛苦~~~
Never had moving been so easy. My friends dived into unpacking in ways that settled my new apartment quickly.
Claire was especially devoted, and she was celebrating all the good going on in my life when she asked, "Is your heart so full because of Joe?"
I smiled. Joe is an amazing gift in my life, but honestly I had to tell her that he wasn't the source of the joy.
"It isn't him, Claire. For the first time, I think I understand that there's just one Love in my life, and all of you are confirmations of it." As sweet as the romance is with Joe, it isn't more significant than my friends' generosity, my mother's tender support, my children's enthusiasm for my progress. Joe doesn't feel like a whole new thing but a natural expansion of my heart revealing a bigger view of God's love taking another amazing form.
This understanding has been long in coming. The gentle healing of my widowhood opened my heart to dating again. But even then, romance had felt like an elephant that was always in the wrong place causing havoc.
If I had someone in my life, I was miserable because the relationship wasn't what I wanted. If I didn't have someone special, my heart ached, and I undervalued the good going on.
What has come to feel safe and secure is the knowledge that the one Love that is God fills all space, all the time, every place I go, in every aspect of life. God, our Father-Mother, Creator, would not ask us to live one moment of our lives alone.
This understanding brings a new perspective to all my relationships, including Joe. How can I love with a pure and perfect heart each person in my life? This is a tough question because often my instinct is not so unselfish. Getting what we want out of relationships may feel at first like the point of having them. But the selfish instinct is the animal instinct that spoils relationships quickly. Instead of being a blessing, other people start to feel like yet another frustration.
Inevitably life's lessons bring me back to face the demand to practice unselfishness. Not the kind that is self-flagellating, martyred, or putting up with abuse. But the kind of unselfishness that understands the source of love to be the all-Love that is God.
Finding happiness in pleasing others can deteriorate into a loss of our own identity. True unselfishness is the discipline to live the love that we have been loved with - never to lose the conviction that God is here and now celebrating, adoring, delighting in us. From that position of strength, it is natural to share the overflow with others. As I understand God to be the source of the love I express, it's easier to trust God's guiding the path of a relationship.
There's a difference between loving in response to God and loving in reaction to another person. Jesus' experience during the last meal with his disciples before his crucifixion continues to be instructive. He knew Judas would betray him, and yet Jesus washed his feet along with those of the other disciples. He told them all that in order to go into the world and minister to others, they must recognize how their feet have been washed. It would keep them humble but also in a position of strength.
In a rare insight into Jesus' prayer, the Bible reads: "Jesus knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he was come from God, and went to God; he riseth from supper ... and began to wash the disciples' feet" (John 13:3-5).
Jesus knew where the love came from; It enabled him to forgive Judas even before his sin. There is such authority in that foundation of love. It must be what the Bible calls "a wise and an understanding heart" that Solomon prayed for (see I Kings 3:12).
Such a heart is tempered like steel in the knowledge of the constancy of God loving each of us. A tempered heart welcomes opportunities to love, and becomes less vulnerable to believing that it's possible to lose love or miss out on it.
On this Valentine's Day may we honor the one source of love that enables us to be strong and faithful.
Happiness is spiritual, born
of Truth and Love. It is unselfish;
therefore it cannot exist alone, but
requires all mankind to share it.
Claire was especially devoted, and she was celebrating all the good going on in my life when she asked, "Is your heart so full because of Joe?"
I smiled. Joe is an amazing gift in my life, but honestly I had to tell her that he wasn't the source of the joy.
"It isn't him, Claire. For the first time, I think I understand that there's just one Love in my life, and all of you are confirmations of it." As sweet as the romance is with Joe, it isn't more significant than my friends' generosity, my mother's tender support, my children's enthusiasm for my progress. Joe doesn't feel like a whole new thing but a natural expansion of my heart revealing a bigger view of God's love taking another amazing form.
This understanding has been long in coming. The gentle healing of my widowhood opened my heart to dating again. But even then, romance had felt like an elephant that was always in the wrong place causing havoc.
If I had someone in my life, I was miserable because the relationship wasn't what I wanted. If I didn't have someone special, my heart ached, and I undervalued the good going on.
What has come to feel safe and secure is the knowledge that the one Love that is God fills all space, all the time, every place I go, in every aspect of life. God, our Father-Mother, Creator, would not ask us to live one moment of our lives alone.
This understanding brings a new perspective to all my relationships, including Joe. How can I love with a pure and perfect heart each person in my life? This is a tough question because often my instinct is not so unselfish. Getting what we want out of relationships may feel at first like the point of having them. But the selfish instinct is the animal instinct that spoils relationships quickly. Instead of being a blessing, other people start to feel like yet another frustration.
Inevitably life's lessons bring me back to face the demand to practice unselfishness. Not the kind that is self-flagellating, martyred, or putting up with abuse. But the kind of unselfishness that understands the source of love to be the all-Love that is God.
Finding happiness in pleasing others can deteriorate into a loss of our own identity. True unselfishness is the discipline to live the love that we have been loved with - never to lose the conviction that God is here and now celebrating, adoring, delighting in us. From that position of strength, it is natural to share the overflow with others. As I understand God to be the source of the love I express, it's easier to trust God's guiding the path of a relationship.
There's a difference between loving in response to God and loving in reaction to another person. Jesus' experience during the last meal with his disciples before his crucifixion continues to be instructive. He knew Judas would betray him, and yet Jesus washed his feet along with those of the other disciples. He told them all that in order to go into the world and minister to others, they must recognize how their feet have been washed. It would keep them humble but also in a position of strength.
In a rare insight into Jesus' prayer, the Bible reads: "Jesus knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he was come from God, and went to God; he riseth from supper ... and began to wash the disciples' feet" (John 13:3-5).
Jesus knew where the love came from; It enabled him to forgive Judas even before his sin. There is such authority in that foundation of love. It must be what the Bible calls "a wise and an understanding heart" that Solomon prayed for (see I Kings 3:12).
Such a heart is tempered like steel in the knowledge of the constancy of God loving each of us. A tempered heart welcomes opportunities to love, and becomes less vulnerable to believing that it's possible to lose love or miss out on it.
On this Valentine's Day may we honor the one source of love that enables us to be strong and faithful.
Happiness is spiritual, born
of Truth and Love. It is unselfish;
therefore it cannot exist alone, but
requires all mankind to share it.
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